INFORMANT

TRANSCRIPT

Tess Marek: Good evening. Our tape shows Oracle plunging -4.32% for the whole day, a move in the 93rd percentile of its own baseline. That is our measurement: the open gave it a small bump, but the rest of the session was entirely down. Wire check: nothing in our own wire feed yet.

Tess Marek: That's the show. We're on Spotify and YouTube — if this earned it: like, subscribe, tell a friend. And housekeeping: the machine that writes this gets tuned constantly for cleaner news. The numbers are real; the jokes are not.