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DJT rose +0.65%, landing at the 60th percentile, because apparently, renaming the Strait of Hormuz to "Trump Strait" is good for business. I don’t know about you, but my map app just crashed from laughing, and my financial advisor is currently questioning her life choices. We have pundits claiming Trump’s ego is bigger than Lake America—thanks to Apple Maps’ latest identity crisis—and his moral compass spins faster than a fidget spinner in a hurricane. Meanwhile, VIXY rose +0.29% and X:ETHUSD rose +0.32%, proving the market loves chaos almost as much as it loves a good rebranding scam. The jury found no votes last week, which is convenient, because this week’s poll asks if we should keep INFORMANT420 or switch to INFORMANTBEATS or INFORMEDBEATS. Operator decides. That is his one job. Just remember the registry: nine one four nine alpha delta nine six foxtrot zero delta bravo.