TRANSCRIPT
DJT surged +3.87%. That is the number you need to process while I watch a man in a blue suit push a Keystone pipe through dirt on Truth Social. The market agrees with this pipeline fantasy by giving DJT a massive surge, leaving VIXY to drop -1.12% in sheer relief. SPY edged up +0.21%, which is less impressive than the imaginary press secretary holding court at the Lincoln Memorial. GLD jumped +1.40% because investors are hedging against the absurdity of a tombstone labeled "KEYSTONE." QQQ edged down -0.02%, proving that reality still has some weight, unlike the vaporware politics currently dominating the feed.