TRANSCRIPT

TSN jumped +1.06% in the 92nd percentile while the market digests this deluge of Tennessee-focused political praise that claims to endorse Bill Hagerty, Diana Harshbarger, Tim Burchett, Chuck Fleischmann, Scott DesJarlais, Andy Ogles, Matt Van Epps, and David Kustoff as if their collective approval rating could somehow override the laws of economics. VIXY fell -0.76% in the 62nd percentile, suggesting investors are slightly less panicked about volatility than usual, perhaps because they are too busy trying to parse why a single individual is simultaneously claiming that every Republican representative in Tennessee is doing an "incredible job" while also implying that the rest of the country is failing by comparison. GLD rose +0.40% in the 86th percentile, indicating that gold remains the only asset people trust implicitly, unlike these posts which promise fantastic representation but deliver only a wall of text about agriculture and border security. DJT fell -0.25% in the 29th percentile, proving that even when you endorse half your party, the stock market still looks at the clock and sees red.